I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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