Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
