I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
