we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize