You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
