i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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