He uses pillows to masturbate.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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