It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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