there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
