Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
