he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
