started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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