I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
