god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
