i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
