i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
