Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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