i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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