dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
