Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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