Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
