Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
tonight lets celebrate not being married
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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