Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
