dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
