Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
