No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Blood and glitter go together right?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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