im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
