Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
