If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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