Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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