i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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