Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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