And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just high enough for therapy.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
