Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Apparently you make a good broom.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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