a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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