I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
