I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
NoShamevember. You game?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize