Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
