Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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