Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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