If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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