My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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