Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
