I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
