im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize