So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
