I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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