So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
