Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
