"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
