She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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