dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
