He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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