That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
