i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize