is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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