Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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