Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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