I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
