You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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