im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
