who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
