is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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