She said her name was "party"
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
