my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
