nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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