on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
