i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize