I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Brb crying the tears of my youth
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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