you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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