you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
