I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Found the puke drawer
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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