I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hippo gnu deer
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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