I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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