I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
