Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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