ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
