Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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