i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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