My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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