You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Randomize
