did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
