Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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