I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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