I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
NoShamevember. You game?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
