to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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