yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It was confusing and full of hummus
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
