apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
