She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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