I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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