Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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