I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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